Where is my mind?

In a cold autumn night, under the blue glow of the waning moon, I try to explain to you how I am feeling now, an awkward attempt to illustrate the multiple thoughts that rush violently across my hollow mind, as I have done so many times before, just to realize, once again, that there is no way a human being could put into words such emotions, a whole universe of electrical impulses, full of distorted sounds and colourful whirlpools, flashlights and echoes and screams, all of them struggling to invade my brain.



My head will collapse, but there's nothing in it...
Pixies – Where Is My Mind? (Remastered)

I love the first days of the autumn, when the September sun still shines faintly. These sunny afternoons make me want to stay at home, reading comic books, watching indie movies, drawing, cleaning my room, eating chocolate, listening to the Smashing Pumpkins. It's really cool :)

Smashing Pumpkins – 1979

It is over now.

Summer is over now. But I do not feel sad anymore.

I love September. I love sunny sunday mornings. I love waking up early. I love having cookies for breakfast while I listen to the songs that were on top of the charts 40 years ago. It's really cool to sit under a big old tree and spend all the morning reading a nice book. A very famous novel written by some Russian guy, or maybe the story of some crazy hitchhiker who died in the USA just one year before I was born. I feel like spending all day listening to alternative rock/grunge bands that became really popular during the 90's. I love watching the sunset. The sun shining bright near the horizon. On the other side, the moon, just a pale ghost rising on a clear blue sky. This is the time when mountains and woods look most beautiful. The sunshine lights the leaves of the trees, making its colors more intense and brilliant and creating a reverberant contrast of shadows and shades. The tallest trees draw dark shadows on the grass, that become longer gradually. And the air is filled with the sound of thousands of leaves and branches being rocked gently by the evening breeze. I find it indescribably beautiful. Now I feel like reading a beautiful book. Maybe one of those I mentioned before. I want to drink a cup of earl grey tea and watch a good film. An indie film full of madness in which nothing seems to make any sense. Or maybe something quite realistic and full of violence, something really 90's. I dont know what I want. I'd really love to spend the rest of the day lost in my own dreams.

It seems that autumn arrived early this year.

Summer's end.

This summer is walking slowly down the street, going away forever. Its September sun shines the same as every year, bringing a nostalgic feeling, but also a fresh start, and the oportunity of making things better.

Though I understand that everything has to end eventually, and I am really looking forward to this autumn, I can't help feeling nostalgic. Not only that I feel sad because this amazing summer has ended, but I feel nostalgic about last summer, too.
This summer has been a great one. I will never forget all the films I watched, all the books I read. All the time I spent drawing or studying. All the songs I used to listen to. When I tell someone about my summer, I realize that all the things I did in August sound much more interesting and exciting that what I did in July. But it is July what I really miss. That's so weird, isn't it? I had much more fun just staying at home than going to a lot of places... From all the days I spent in Madrid, the only nice memory I have is the day I went to the museum, one of the first days of September. The rest of the time I was there means nothing to me.

Now that I'm back home, I spend the days eating candy, watching indie movies and listening to a Creedence Clearwater Revival's CD I've bought recently. I love these days I always spend doing nothing after coming back from the summer holidays. Really relaxing. However, this September sun always brings a rush of bright nostalgia with it.
I can't help thinking of last summer, comparing it with this one. Everything seems to be a copy of a copy of a copy. A few days ago I bought some CD's, Creedence Clearwater Revival's 'Cosmo's Factory' and Pearl Jam's 'Backspacer'. As I look at them, I remember that one year ago, I bought some CD's too. I don't even remember the titles. Something like 'Kerplunk!' and '1039/... slappy hours'. I have never ever listened to the second. Oh, and the books. Last summer I bought 'The Hobbit' (it was really nice seeing it on my shelf when I came back home, I didn't remember I'd bought it) and a spanish edition of 'A Clockwork Orange', which I never managed to finish. Now I've bought, among other books, the English edition of 'A Clockwork Orange', and I've already left it forgotten on the shelf. And that's just an example. I know that it is a stupid thing to buy so many things and then leave them somewhere and forget they exist. But I just can't help. Anyway, what I mean with all this story is that all this paralelism only makes me feel more nostalgic. Like if every year was the same. Like if it was my duty to do the same things year after year, for that would be the only way to be happy.